Itsz a problem…

Hey. Er, so… how ya been? I know it has been a while. I have been meaning to call you, but I have, you know, I just got busy. It doesn’t mean I forgot about you or anything. Just between classes and touring and everything; You know how it is in the Holy Land. Busy Busy busy. Right?... Right? Nevermind. Anyway, I could do this in a boring chronological way, and say ‘I went to this, and then I went to that,’ but instead I have grouped my adventures by theme.



Travel:
So I have been traveling… quite a bit. I went to the Tower of David, which was filled with all sorts of archaeological goodies spanning all the different ages and conquerors of Jerusalem. I then went on a Spring Trail Hike from the top of one mountain, to the bottom of another, and then to the top of that mountain (exploring the pits and ancient cisterns along the way, one of which I lost my keys in).

I then went to crossed the Israeli/Palestinian border into Bethlehem. It was astounding. The moment you make it on to the other side of the wall, everything changes: the atmosphere, the people, the air. You are immediately faced with some intense graffiti and images: “TRAPT,” “JESUS WEPT,” “WHERE ARE YOU AMERICA?,” “ISRAELI APARTHEID” and images like the Statue of Liberty, weeping over a bloody bullet-riddled Palestinian child. You are instantly assaulted by Palestinian cab drivers who offer to drive you anywhere for absurdly low prices (because money is so scarce for them that they need to hook you and then swindle you into a ‘tour’ to charge you extra). We avoided them and walked along the wall, seeing all the graffiti (which I have pictures of), and finally making it to the Bethlehem city center. I saw the Church of the Nativity (built over the spot where Jesus was born), the Chapel of the Milk Grotto (a chapel dedicated to Mary on the spot where she breast-fed Jesus), the Church at Shepherd’s Field (where the angel said: “Behold! I bring you tidings of great joy…”), St. Catherine’s Cathedral, and the Tomb of St. Jerome (patron Saint of Bible translators). It was pretty amazing. In one Jewish day (the night before and the day following), I had seen a Chabad Shabbat, a Roman Catholic Mass in Latin, an Assyrian Orthodox Mass in Aramaic, a Protestant service in Korean, and a Muslim call to prayer in Arabic. It was quite the Holy day. Finally, after a very long walk back, we finally caught a cab and ended our adventure in Palestine.

This did not end the touring though! I went the Monday after (using two days to rest up and study) to Mea’Sharim, the ultra-orthodox neighborhood of Jerusalem, and watched the Black hats, wigs, and long skirts fly past me. It is not as strange and different as some will tell you; people are dressed like they are from another time, but they are driving cars, using cell phones, and talking like people from our time. … They also make delicious Kosher brownies.

Two days later, I went to Mount Zion (the original Jerusalem) and saw the Church of St. Peter (built over Caiphas’ house), David’s Tomb (where I was blessed with ‘the strength of David and the Wisdom of Solomon’ by an un-moving Rabbi that I was forced to give sheckles to), and the Church of the Dormition (where Mary, Mother of Jesus, perpetually lives in a state of sleep [Clearly not a Catholic Church]). We then crossed through the Zion Gate into the Old City and walked around the Western Wall to the Christian Quarter. I finally visited the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, which was astounding and beautiful. More on that later though. We finished the night off with an underground tour of the tunnels beneath the Western Wall.

The next day I made it to the Temple Mount and the Ruins of the Second Temple below. The Temple Mount is huge. You do not realize how big it is until you are up there; you can literally fit another Old City (sans Temple Mount of course) on top of it. The Dome of the Rock is beautiful up close, though I am sure it is more beautiful inside. I was not permitted into it, nor the Al-Asqua (sp.?) Mosque. It happens. Whatever.

I went back to Tel Aviv the next day and took pictures of the gorgeous beach scenes. Tel Aviv at sunset is something to behold (luckily, I took pictures!) I had another Shabbat Weekend with the Chabad people, and finished off Sunday in En Kerem (billed as a quaint village just outside of Jerusalem, is actually an expensive tourist trap a good half hour outside of Jerusalem). Worth it for the Stuffed Mushrooms, Goat Cheese and Bruscetta Salad, and Gelato I had, to give my body something other then falafel and hummus.

Last night, I went on a guided tour of the Old City. It really gave me a good appreciation of how much the city has been through. It is pock marked with gun shots from countless battles, high above sea-level because it was continually destroyed and built over, and dyed in the blood of Christian, Jews, and Muslims from all over the world. You don’t realize it when you only look for its Biblical connection.

Today (July 20th, 2010), on Tisha B’Av (more on that later), I went to Qumran. I was and still am so pumped about it. Not many other people have been when I told them. It seems that many people do not know what Qumran is, so here is a brief history lesson:

A long long time ago, in a desert far far away, there lived a group of Jews obsessed with bodily and spiritual purity. They so reviled the unclean world that they moved out to an area between the Dead Sea and Jerusalem, in the shadow of giant mountains, and formed an autonomous community where they could practice and study their holy books. Their holy books, however, were not the same as everyone else’s holy books. They had ours but with a few extra and a few missing. Despite these differences, the Romans still attempted to disperse them with all the other Jews after the failed Jewish Rebellion. Knowing this, one of them placed their writings in pottery, and hid them in the caves above the settlement. About two thousand years and countless conquerings of the land later, the pottery was discovered and the world of religion was shaken by the finding of a Bible ancient, but different, than our own.

This is the Qumran I visited. I toured the settlement with a friend from my Biblical Hebrew class, but then we got the idea to go up the mountain to one of the caves. I quickly chickened out, but he kept on pushing me forward and thankfully I listened. We hiked all the way up a semi-trail-less mountain to see the caves of Qumran. How awesome is that? I have more stuff to see still, but you will hear about that when it happens (or a day or so after).

* I climbed to the top of the bell tower of the Lutheran Church of the Redeemer today (July 21st). Intense view of the city from all angles. Then I walked the roof tops of the Christian Quarter like I was in Assassin’s Creed.



Holocaust:
The Chamber of the Holocaust and Yad Vashem (a large beautiful Holocaust museum) were two places I visited that I did not include on the list, because they deserved their own category. I cried both times. I didn’t lose anyone in the Holocaust, or at least I do not think I did, but it still is just so horrifying. Everything was just gone. The two rememberance sites really conveyed that well. The Chamber of the Holocaust is an underground cave, plastered wall-to-wall with tombstones dedicated to entire towns (not people) killed by the Nazis. Yad Vashem (The Hand of God in Hebrew) is a giant gray triangle that closes in on you as you walk, seeing the progression towards genocide taken by the Nazis against Jewish and other “non-desirables.” I have no words and very few pictures; neither would be able to communicate the feeling. I thought I would have more to say, but I don’t know what or how. You just have to go there.



Where Jews fit in the Christian World, and Where Christians Fit in the Jewish World:
So I have seen some religious things in the past two weeks during my travels that require some thinking. Am I allowed, being of some Catholic descent, to light candles for my Catholic family in Catholic churches? Does the Jew in me cancel it out, or make it blasphemy? You see, at most of the Catholic churches I go to, I light a candle for my grandfather and my grandmother and the whole of the Adams family, who are predominantly Catholic. This is why there are so many pictures of candles in my photo album. Should I stop if it is disrespectful or blasphemous? What happens if a Jewish person prays at a Christian site? I went to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher and paid my respects and then prayed to God (not Jesus) at the spot where he was supposedly crucified. Is that blasphemous?

I am very aware of blasphemy here. I feel like I am coming up short all the time, like I will never be able to please God. The words of the Chabad Rabbi and the Messianic Jew (who would like to give a talk at Fordham) are wearing off I guess. It’s just that I could do more, but it makes my life harder and I don’t want to. That seems silly.

Religious Person: You believe in God, but ignore his commandments because you don’t want to do them… because they aren’t fun. Because they are hard. Do you really love meat and cheese more then the possibility of a higher existence that cares about your body?

I don’t eat Kosher. I don’t wear tzit-tzit. I don’t do daily prayer. I have encountered people who do all these things, and lead normal healthy lives, so that excuse is gone. Some of them didn’t have the background for it and still learned it, so there goes the other excuse I made. I do wear a yarmulke, but there is a lot more tied to it and expected of me when I do, so: Should I do more with Judaism, or just stop wearing the yarmulke? I can still believe in God as fervently without it. Belief; that is what gets me confused here. The commandment (which I have actually translated from Biblical Hebrew in class) is to love the Lord God with all your heart and all your soul and all your might. That one I got down, and am comfortable with it. It is why I wear the yarmulke. I just don’t know if I could do more, if I didn’t believe in it in that way.

Others do practices without understanding or belief. I go to Shabbat services every weekend here, and it seems that some people are just praying to fulfill the weekly requirement. I asked what one of the prayers meant of a congregant, and the man didn’t know. He was just praying, because he had to, as fast as he could to get home for dinner with his family it seemed. I don’t know if this is actually the case, or if it is true all over, but from some of my talks with people in regards to Friday Night/Saturday morning services, it seems to be so. Regardless, I don’t know if I want to be that guy, because I want to believe honestly and truthfully; I do not want to be one of those Jews from the Gospels who does things hypocritically and unthinkingly, just to show off.

But I still feel like I live a life of blasphemy, and every where I turn here, there is a reminder: churches, mosques, squatty men in funny hats. I can’t just turn it off and ignore it, or become anti-religious like a lot of the Israeli’s I have encountered.

Perhaps I should give eating Kosher a try? Not like intense never-eating-food-prepared-by-non-Jews kosher, but avoiding meat with milk, shell fish, and delicious crispy bacon (as well as other pig products I don’t really care about). If it is the only thing around or offered, I will still eat it given I go to a Catholic school and live amongst hospitable people. But perhaps, consciously choosing to avoid that which is trief and dedicating my palate to the Lord will do some good in quieting my mind, easing my guilt, and bringing me closer to God? Maybe doing some Kosher laws and observing Shabbat in some ways will help? Who knows. More on that (and my first encounter with Taco Tuesday) when it happens.

Perhaps the reason people can do things with such immediacy here is because they think the world is going to change/end soon. I don’t mean like World War III though; I mean Jews, Christians, and Muslims here seem to be eagerly anticipating the coming of the Messiah/Jesus/Isa (pbuh). For instance:

While on a tour of the Western Wall Tunnels, after hearing of an excavation that would be completed in a few years, my friend remarked that he would have to come back in ten years. The tour guide turned around and very honestly and earnestly replied: “By the Mosiach will have come though!”

A Christian fellow I was with, after seeing the Dome of the Rock, said that he eagerly awaited the Mosque being taken down because it would mark the beginning of the end.

My Rabbi here often drinks and leads us in chants every Friday in hopes of brining the Messiah.

The end is big here for obvious reasons, but it seems to lend a sense of credence to religious practice; the perpetual question “Is this where you want to be when the Lord comes back?” hanging over Jerusalem.

It is not bad either, much like the fire and brimstone we encounter in American apocalypticism. This will be a glorious changing of the natural order for everyone, and not the divine punishment of disbelievers and heathens of all shapes, colors, and sexual orientations. American apocalypticism’s focus seems to be more about proving your beliefs right then about God. Of course, I doubt the people with more radical and intense beliefs are out and about and talking to an American Jew about it. Who knows? These are all observations, and my own thoughts about them.

For reference, the holy day of Tisha B’Av (the day when the first and second Temples were destroyed, as well as the failure of the Bar Kochba Revolt and the beginning of the exportation of Jews from Poland) is very big here. Everything closes (including Tel Aviv, which is saying something) and everyone is in mourning for the destroyed Temple and what would be the destroyed peace of the region (as these events give way to calamity in Jerusalem). Tisha B’Av is a communal holiday inextricably tied to the history.

Here is an American take on Tisha B’av –
http://www.jewcy.com/post/clare-Burson-Tisha-BAv
It is a lot more personal. A lot more reflective, and less tied to the history of the Jewish people as a whole and more to the Jewish person. I think this is a great way to respect the holy day, if one (such as I did before my trip here) does not relate to the holy day.




Ryan Adams: Defender of Catholicism, Champion of the Lord!
Speaking of fitting in the Christian world (which was the title of the last section that went on quite long), I have been one of its staunchest defenders here. I have encountered a lot of both Anti-Catholic and Anti-Judeo-Christian sentiment. I have fought proudly and constantly in the name of the Lord, and for the Catholic Church (even at times for Pope Benedict). *

*-My mother is reading this right now and freaking out. She pictures me outside the Western Wall, picking fights with Jews and Muslims about things, oblivious to the danger of the situation. I assure you Mom, I was very safe while doing this. No Ryan’s were hurt in the making of these debates.

The night of one of the semi-final World cup games, I went ten rounds with a ‘theologian’ (a kid my age studying contemporary religious thought with a focus on Islam) in a big public restaurant, trying to defend American religious practice. He found us to be folksy and unfounded. I found him to be arrogant, and praising the Islam of the Middle East for ignorant reasons. Islam is a beautiful religion (and I can thank Peter Casey for showing me, look him up on youtube as DawahAddict), but this guy was not defending it right or saying that. He just kept referring to religion in America as crazy Protestants and everyone else. So I brought up Catholics in a manner that would make Father Massa proud. He dismissed them saying most Catholics are completely unaware of their religion. He did something similar with Jews and Muslims in America as well. To him, America either does religion crazy or not at all. While Arabic countries have found a middle ground that is beautiful and allows for tolerance and my view of it is too imperialistic and Western to really get it.

Needless to say, we fought a lot. Literally, the entirety of the World Cup game. We actually attracted a crowd with our arguing. I finally got him to concede a good chuck of his points, so I feel I won the debate. It felt amazing though to be able to spar with someone on the topic though and really have it last.

My arguments around Catholicism have not been as refreshing. A lot of the time, people just tell me blanket statements about the Pope and the Saints and Confession: the stereotypical portrayal of Catholicism as a robotic polytheistic religion, completely devout to the Pope, and able to forgive sins on a whim. My American Catholic Studies seminars have served me well; I add my two cents to the conversation in the hopes of trying to convey half of the beauty and reason of the Catholic tradition I have been told about at Fordham. Religion is beautiful to its believers, and there is no reason to think it impossible that the beauty you see does not exist in another tradition to someone else. It is nice opening up hearts and minds to Catholicism… says the Jew.




The terrain isn’t the only thing that gets high and low here…
I am sick and tired of mountains. Everything here is on a mountain. I literally walk up hill both ways to school! At the same time, it serves as a lovely metaphor for how I have been feeling here, and in general about this trip: lots of ups and lots of downs.

I was nervous about this trip from the beginning. Many people may remember me being upset when I got the letter, because I didn’t think I would get it, so it threw my whole life into a bit of a spin. I would be traveling to a foreign country, where I didn’t speak the language, to study something I had little to no knowledge of, completely alone. I was scared. I was scared about the future already: the Rhodes, the Fulbright, Salice-Conley, TOP, grad school, Senior year, and of course (gulp) everything that would come after.

When I first got here, as many of my posts mention, I was very homesick. I was scared of everything blowing up at any moment (and the gun shots through the night never helped). But as I got more busy, I really enjoyed myself. Within two weeks of the trip, the entire experience was already worth it. The next three were just icing on a very substantial cake.

I had a lot of up’s and down’s though. Moments of homesickness, of frustration, and most of all confusion about myself. I tried not to let it get me down, but here is a place of extremes. All religion all the time. As I mentioned earlier in the post, about five pages ago, it really does get to you. It makes you think. While in Israel, I have asked myself constantly: Am I good enough? When it comes to religion (in the face of the men in funny hats). When it comes to scholarship (in the faces of many learned grad and doctoral students). When it comes to being a generally good human being (there is no shortage of good righteous people here that I should emulate).

A lot of my blog posts were written in the cold (yes, it does get cold here) lonely nights in my dark depressing room. So they don’t convey the joy I have felt here. I have loved my experience here, and furthermore, I feel good about the future now. I am excited for all the things that scared me before. This resolve waivers every now and then, but I feel like everything is going to work out. I realized that I was excited on the beach in Tel Aviv, an odd place for a revelation I know, but it came out naturally from discussing everything I have thought here with other people who have had similar experiences of homesickness and internal reflection. The future looks good, and I am ready to tackle it. I have one year left, and I am going to make it count!

What else have I been doing and thinking in the past two weeks?
Oh yeah. I have been taking Biblical Hebrew here (in case you didn’t know). Six hours a day Sunday through Thursday. Biblical Hebrew is hard. I would say it in Biblical Hebrew, but I don’t know how to. That’s how hard it is. I can read Genesis 37 though with the help of a dictionary. That is an accomplishment, considering three weeks ago I couldn’t read a sentence. It is kicking my butt, but luckily, everyone’s rear end is equally sore. I have my final in two days (I started this post about four days ago, in a lull of being busy, so while you read this, much time has passed) and I feel like it will go well.

I have made an interesting scholarly discovery while studying Biblical Hebrew: I now know where the Jewish mother voice comes from. It is translated literally from Biblical Hebrew. Passages usually read (in a voice reminiscent of the Nanny) like this:

And so he went, Joseph, to his Brothers, they were in the land of Gilead, and when they saw him in his tunic, the tunic of many colors from their father, Jacob. They threatened, the Brothers of Joseph, to kill him. And then, Reuben, the smallest of the brothers (but such a nice boy), he said “Don’t kill him! We should throw him in the well and sell him!” Because Reuben, he loved his brother, Joseph, and he really did it to save his mishpoocha (‘family’ in Yiddish and apparently Biblical Hebrew).

Oh yeah. The World Cup. I watched the World Cup in the most international city in the World (New York City isn’t a pilgrimage site, Sorry NYC, I still love you). I can’t explain how cool that was. Everyone was into. Everyone was yelling. Everyone place was backed. Even the ultra-orthodox Jews, coming back from the Western Wall for night prayer, peaked in and watched! It was so amazing. The connection everyone had. The shared interest!

On a much sadder note though, my prayers are with the victims of the Ugandan bombing. While I was in a crowded café in Jerusalem watching the World Cup, so were they. Same situation. Same potential for a terrorist attack. The thought is chilling. Please pray for them.

On a less sad, but still upsetting note. While I have been here, I have seen one riot, two cars on fire, been in one car accident, and heard/seen countless gun shots in the region surrounding Mount Scopus. It has been … quite interesting.*

*-My mother is now getting on a plane after reading that. I love you Mom, but I will be home in 3 days and 14 hours.

Aside from Biblical Hebrew, Religious debate, and over 1000 pictures of different touring sites, I have acquired a knowledge of hummus unnecessary in every day life. I am the Bubba Gump of Hummus. I am so tired of hummus though. Hummus, and Falafel, and Schwarma, and Bourekas, and Pastrami will not be eaten for about two months upon my return.



Closing
I wrote some of this, while I was doing my laundry. Upon finishing the section I wrote on Tuesday night, I realized that I had been sitting with my legs wide open in a pair of pants that had a large hole in the center. There goes my attempt at modesty… I lead a Holey life here.

I will report back soon!

Reporting back sooner then expected:
I had an intense Friday worth nothing. I woke up at 2AM on Friday, hiked up Masada, toured Masada, hiked down Masada, explored a Museum about Masada, fell down a cliff, went into the Dead Sea with an open wound, went food shopping, did Kabbalat Shabbat at the Western Wall, set up, ate, and took down an entire Chabad dinner, and went to bed at 2AM on Saturday. It was amazing (both the trip and that I did it all without passing out).

I had some interesting thoughts at the Western Wall worth noting. So I don’t know what I am: Reform, Reconstructionist, a Catholic who likes wearing a yarmulke and Yiddish. While I was at the Western Wall though, I saw all types of Jews. Young and old, Hasidic and Modern, quiet and loud. I sang and danced and prayed with all of them. It was an amazing experience. I use that word a lot, but I mean it. I am amazed. I have no words. I am awe-struck. One man I saw was screaming and crying under a tallis (prayer shawl) as he prayed.

I sat, watching them, thinking about what came next for me. Is eating Kosher it? Is it Shabbat? Is it tzit-tzit? I think maybe keeping Shabbas in some way would be good as well as Kosher: whether it be services, or Friday night dinner, or abstaining from secular work.

I struggle with the question of why in both cases. Why do them? Because God said so is the answer you usually get. What if I don’t do them? That is my hang up. I fear divine punishment. Then again, everyone mitzvah is supposed to give God a feeling of ecstasy because the world is so far from God. I am commanded to do things with all my heart and soul and being? Why not do a little more of each with commitment, instead of all of them just so that people will stop judging and I don’t feel as bad? I can and will work my way up to more. How much of each practice I will do I will work out later, but I can definitely do a little of each for now.

Now keeping kind of kosher, wearing a yarmulke, and keeping the Sabbath kind of shifts me a little bit as far as labels go. I don’t like labels in the first place, but they are something I have to deal with, so I should come to terms with them on some level. I don’t like being called Reform, because it connotates that I don’t really take my Judaism seriously, and I am doing it as more of a community thing (Keeping up with the Rosenbaum’s). That is not the case, because I take it very seriously; the yarmulke is not just for show. I don’t like being called a Reconstructionist Jew, because that connotates that I want to completely strip my Jewish identity away. I don’t want to do that; I love my Jewish identity! I love the traditions! I am clearly not Orthodox, and I don’t know enough nor do I do enough to be considered conservative. I do ascribe to a lot of Chabad-Lubavitch thought though. I got it! Do you know what kind of Jew this makes me?

I am a Confused Jew.

I will blog my last couple of days when I get back!