God bless America...

Home sweet home...

Final Days in Jerusalem

Quick note before I go back to studying...

I feel good (cue James Brown music). I had a minor panic attack today after class over two things:

1) Did I see everything? Have I wasted my time here? Could I have done more? (I thought this upon waking up from a much needed nap).

2) How am I gonna pass this test? I don't know anything (I thought this upon studying post-nap).

I was freaking out. To solve problem number 1, I looked through my guide book and online to see what I missed. Guess what! I have literally seen almost everything in Jerusalem (and a ton of stuff around Israel)! There isn't much else for me to see, short of going to Galilee or Eliat. This trip has been a success when it comes to traveling!

As for number 2, I know Biblical Hebrew (if I have a dictionary). I can parse every word; I just don't know the roots. The point of the class was to learn how to read Biblical Hebrew with a dictionary. This trip has been an academic success.

I lost weight. I got tan. I met people. I relaxed. I caught up on some work. I traveled by myself to a foreign country. This trip has been a personal success.

I know it seems like I spent a lot of it wanting to go home (and watching the West Wing), but that was a part of the process. This was a fantastic experience that allowed me to grow so much! Praise God (and everyone who made it possible) to get here!

(cues James Brown music, does signature happy dance, stops when he realizes the girls from across the way can see this from their apartment, awkwardly shuts blinds, continues happy dance until music fades)





So I went to the Garden Tomb today after class. It wasn't anything too special. I studied, packed, and relaxed a bit. My schedule for tomorrow is final, packing, waiting for the bus to the airport, waiting for the plane in the airport, waiting on the plane to get to Newark, waiting in traffic to get home, waiting at home to receive calls from everyone stateside. It is gonna be a busy day.

In a couple of days, I will have a post with some more reflections and a small essay on my personal journey of Judaism (that may get published)!.

Off to study!

Itsz a problem…

Hey. Er, so… how ya been? I know it has been a while. I have been meaning to call you, but I have, you know, I just got busy. It doesn’t mean I forgot about you or anything. Just between classes and touring and everything; You know how it is in the Holy Land. Busy Busy busy. Right?... Right? Nevermind. Anyway, I could do this in a boring chronological way, and say ‘I went to this, and then I went to that,’ but instead I have grouped my adventures by theme.



Travel:
So I have been traveling… quite a bit. I went to the Tower of David, which was filled with all sorts of archaeological goodies spanning all the different ages and conquerors of Jerusalem. I then went on a Spring Trail Hike from the top of one mountain, to the bottom of another, and then to the top of that mountain (exploring the pits and ancient cisterns along the way, one of which I lost my keys in).

I then went to crossed the Israeli/Palestinian border into Bethlehem. It was astounding. The moment you make it on to the other side of the wall, everything changes: the atmosphere, the people, the air. You are immediately faced with some intense graffiti and images: “TRAPT,” “JESUS WEPT,” “WHERE ARE YOU AMERICA?,” “ISRAELI APARTHEID” and images like the Statue of Liberty, weeping over a bloody bullet-riddled Palestinian child. You are instantly assaulted by Palestinian cab drivers who offer to drive you anywhere for absurdly low prices (because money is so scarce for them that they need to hook you and then swindle you into a ‘tour’ to charge you extra). We avoided them and walked along the wall, seeing all the graffiti (which I have pictures of), and finally making it to the Bethlehem city center. I saw the Church of the Nativity (built over the spot where Jesus was born), the Chapel of the Milk Grotto (a chapel dedicated to Mary on the spot where she breast-fed Jesus), the Church at Shepherd’s Field (where the angel said: “Behold! I bring you tidings of great joy…”), St. Catherine’s Cathedral, and the Tomb of St. Jerome (patron Saint of Bible translators). It was pretty amazing. In one Jewish day (the night before and the day following), I had seen a Chabad Shabbat, a Roman Catholic Mass in Latin, an Assyrian Orthodox Mass in Aramaic, a Protestant service in Korean, and a Muslim call to prayer in Arabic. It was quite the Holy day. Finally, after a very long walk back, we finally caught a cab and ended our adventure in Palestine.

This did not end the touring though! I went the Monday after (using two days to rest up and study) to Mea’Sharim, the ultra-orthodox neighborhood of Jerusalem, and watched the Black hats, wigs, and long skirts fly past me. It is not as strange and different as some will tell you; people are dressed like they are from another time, but they are driving cars, using cell phones, and talking like people from our time. … They also make delicious Kosher brownies.

Two days later, I went to Mount Zion (the original Jerusalem) and saw the Church of St. Peter (built over Caiphas’ house), David’s Tomb (where I was blessed with ‘the strength of David and the Wisdom of Solomon’ by an un-moving Rabbi that I was forced to give sheckles to), and the Church of the Dormition (where Mary, Mother of Jesus, perpetually lives in a state of sleep [Clearly not a Catholic Church]). We then crossed through the Zion Gate into the Old City and walked around the Western Wall to the Christian Quarter. I finally visited the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, which was astounding and beautiful. More on that later though. We finished the night off with an underground tour of the tunnels beneath the Western Wall.

The next day I made it to the Temple Mount and the Ruins of the Second Temple below. The Temple Mount is huge. You do not realize how big it is until you are up there; you can literally fit another Old City (sans Temple Mount of course) on top of it. The Dome of the Rock is beautiful up close, though I am sure it is more beautiful inside. I was not permitted into it, nor the Al-Asqua (sp.?) Mosque. It happens. Whatever.

I went back to Tel Aviv the next day and took pictures of the gorgeous beach scenes. Tel Aviv at sunset is something to behold (luckily, I took pictures!) I had another Shabbat Weekend with the Chabad people, and finished off Sunday in En Kerem (billed as a quaint village just outside of Jerusalem, is actually an expensive tourist trap a good half hour outside of Jerusalem). Worth it for the Stuffed Mushrooms, Goat Cheese and Bruscetta Salad, and Gelato I had, to give my body something other then falafel and hummus.

Last night, I went on a guided tour of the Old City. It really gave me a good appreciation of how much the city has been through. It is pock marked with gun shots from countless battles, high above sea-level because it was continually destroyed and built over, and dyed in the blood of Christian, Jews, and Muslims from all over the world. You don’t realize it when you only look for its Biblical connection.

Today (July 20th, 2010), on Tisha B’Av (more on that later), I went to Qumran. I was and still am so pumped about it. Not many other people have been when I told them. It seems that many people do not know what Qumran is, so here is a brief history lesson:

A long long time ago, in a desert far far away, there lived a group of Jews obsessed with bodily and spiritual purity. They so reviled the unclean world that they moved out to an area between the Dead Sea and Jerusalem, in the shadow of giant mountains, and formed an autonomous community where they could practice and study their holy books. Their holy books, however, were not the same as everyone else’s holy books. They had ours but with a few extra and a few missing. Despite these differences, the Romans still attempted to disperse them with all the other Jews after the failed Jewish Rebellion. Knowing this, one of them placed their writings in pottery, and hid them in the caves above the settlement. About two thousand years and countless conquerings of the land later, the pottery was discovered and the world of religion was shaken by the finding of a Bible ancient, but different, than our own.

This is the Qumran I visited. I toured the settlement with a friend from my Biblical Hebrew class, but then we got the idea to go up the mountain to one of the caves. I quickly chickened out, but he kept on pushing me forward and thankfully I listened. We hiked all the way up a semi-trail-less mountain to see the caves of Qumran. How awesome is that? I have more stuff to see still, but you will hear about that when it happens (or a day or so after).

* I climbed to the top of the bell tower of the Lutheran Church of the Redeemer today (July 21st). Intense view of the city from all angles. Then I walked the roof tops of the Christian Quarter like I was in Assassin’s Creed.



Holocaust:
The Chamber of the Holocaust and Yad Vashem (a large beautiful Holocaust museum) were two places I visited that I did not include on the list, because they deserved their own category. I cried both times. I didn’t lose anyone in the Holocaust, or at least I do not think I did, but it still is just so horrifying. Everything was just gone. The two rememberance sites really conveyed that well. The Chamber of the Holocaust is an underground cave, plastered wall-to-wall with tombstones dedicated to entire towns (not people) killed by the Nazis. Yad Vashem (The Hand of God in Hebrew) is a giant gray triangle that closes in on you as you walk, seeing the progression towards genocide taken by the Nazis against Jewish and other “non-desirables.” I have no words and very few pictures; neither would be able to communicate the feeling. I thought I would have more to say, but I don’t know what or how. You just have to go there.



Where Jews fit in the Christian World, and Where Christians Fit in the Jewish World:
So I have seen some religious things in the past two weeks during my travels that require some thinking. Am I allowed, being of some Catholic descent, to light candles for my Catholic family in Catholic churches? Does the Jew in me cancel it out, or make it blasphemy? You see, at most of the Catholic churches I go to, I light a candle for my grandfather and my grandmother and the whole of the Adams family, who are predominantly Catholic. This is why there are so many pictures of candles in my photo album. Should I stop if it is disrespectful or blasphemous? What happens if a Jewish person prays at a Christian site? I went to the Church of the Holy Sepulcher and paid my respects and then prayed to God (not Jesus) at the spot where he was supposedly crucified. Is that blasphemous?

I am very aware of blasphemy here. I feel like I am coming up short all the time, like I will never be able to please God. The words of the Chabad Rabbi and the Messianic Jew (who would like to give a talk at Fordham) are wearing off I guess. It’s just that I could do more, but it makes my life harder and I don’t want to. That seems silly.

Religious Person: You believe in God, but ignore his commandments because you don’t want to do them… because they aren’t fun. Because they are hard. Do you really love meat and cheese more then the possibility of a higher existence that cares about your body?

I don’t eat Kosher. I don’t wear tzit-tzit. I don’t do daily prayer. I have encountered people who do all these things, and lead normal healthy lives, so that excuse is gone. Some of them didn’t have the background for it and still learned it, so there goes the other excuse I made. I do wear a yarmulke, but there is a lot more tied to it and expected of me when I do, so: Should I do more with Judaism, or just stop wearing the yarmulke? I can still believe in God as fervently without it. Belief; that is what gets me confused here. The commandment (which I have actually translated from Biblical Hebrew in class) is to love the Lord God with all your heart and all your soul and all your might. That one I got down, and am comfortable with it. It is why I wear the yarmulke. I just don’t know if I could do more, if I didn’t believe in it in that way.

Others do practices without understanding or belief. I go to Shabbat services every weekend here, and it seems that some people are just praying to fulfill the weekly requirement. I asked what one of the prayers meant of a congregant, and the man didn’t know. He was just praying, because he had to, as fast as he could to get home for dinner with his family it seemed. I don’t know if this is actually the case, or if it is true all over, but from some of my talks with people in regards to Friday Night/Saturday morning services, it seems to be so. Regardless, I don’t know if I want to be that guy, because I want to believe honestly and truthfully; I do not want to be one of those Jews from the Gospels who does things hypocritically and unthinkingly, just to show off.

But I still feel like I live a life of blasphemy, and every where I turn here, there is a reminder: churches, mosques, squatty men in funny hats. I can’t just turn it off and ignore it, or become anti-religious like a lot of the Israeli’s I have encountered.

Perhaps I should give eating Kosher a try? Not like intense never-eating-food-prepared-by-non-Jews kosher, but avoiding meat with milk, shell fish, and delicious crispy bacon (as well as other pig products I don’t really care about). If it is the only thing around or offered, I will still eat it given I go to a Catholic school and live amongst hospitable people. But perhaps, consciously choosing to avoid that which is trief and dedicating my palate to the Lord will do some good in quieting my mind, easing my guilt, and bringing me closer to God? Maybe doing some Kosher laws and observing Shabbat in some ways will help? Who knows. More on that (and my first encounter with Taco Tuesday) when it happens.

Perhaps the reason people can do things with such immediacy here is because they think the world is going to change/end soon. I don’t mean like World War III though; I mean Jews, Christians, and Muslims here seem to be eagerly anticipating the coming of the Messiah/Jesus/Isa (pbuh). For instance:

While on a tour of the Western Wall Tunnels, after hearing of an excavation that would be completed in a few years, my friend remarked that he would have to come back in ten years. The tour guide turned around and very honestly and earnestly replied: “By the Mosiach will have come though!”

A Christian fellow I was with, after seeing the Dome of the Rock, said that he eagerly awaited the Mosque being taken down because it would mark the beginning of the end.

My Rabbi here often drinks and leads us in chants every Friday in hopes of brining the Messiah.

The end is big here for obvious reasons, but it seems to lend a sense of credence to religious practice; the perpetual question “Is this where you want to be when the Lord comes back?” hanging over Jerusalem.

It is not bad either, much like the fire and brimstone we encounter in American apocalypticism. This will be a glorious changing of the natural order for everyone, and not the divine punishment of disbelievers and heathens of all shapes, colors, and sexual orientations. American apocalypticism’s focus seems to be more about proving your beliefs right then about God. Of course, I doubt the people with more radical and intense beliefs are out and about and talking to an American Jew about it. Who knows? These are all observations, and my own thoughts about them.

For reference, the holy day of Tisha B’Av (the day when the first and second Temples were destroyed, as well as the failure of the Bar Kochba Revolt and the beginning of the exportation of Jews from Poland) is very big here. Everything closes (including Tel Aviv, which is saying something) and everyone is in mourning for the destroyed Temple and what would be the destroyed peace of the region (as these events give way to calamity in Jerusalem). Tisha B’Av is a communal holiday inextricably tied to the history.

Here is an American take on Tisha B’av –
http://www.jewcy.com/post/clare-Burson-Tisha-BAv
It is a lot more personal. A lot more reflective, and less tied to the history of the Jewish people as a whole and more to the Jewish person. I think this is a great way to respect the holy day, if one (such as I did before my trip here) does not relate to the holy day.




Ryan Adams: Defender of Catholicism, Champion of the Lord!
Speaking of fitting in the Christian world (which was the title of the last section that went on quite long), I have been one of its staunchest defenders here. I have encountered a lot of both Anti-Catholic and Anti-Judeo-Christian sentiment. I have fought proudly and constantly in the name of the Lord, and for the Catholic Church (even at times for Pope Benedict). *

*-My mother is reading this right now and freaking out. She pictures me outside the Western Wall, picking fights with Jews and Muslims about things, oblivious to the danger of the situation. I assure you Mom, I was very safe while doing this. No Ryan’s were hurt in the making of these debates.

The night of one of the semi-final World cup games, I went ten rounds with a ‘theologian’ (a kid my age studying contemporary religious thought with a focus on Islam) in a big public restaurant, trying to defend American religious practice. He found us to be folksy and unfounded. I found him to be arrogant, and praising the Islam of the Middle East for ignorant reasons. Islam is a beautiful religion (and I can thank Peter Casey for showing me, look him up on youtube as DawahAddict), but this guy was not defending it right or saying that. He just kept referring to religion in America as crazy Protestants and everyone else. So I brought up Catholics in a manner that would make Father Massa proud. He dismissed them saying most Catholics are completely unaware of their religion. He did something similar with Jews and Muslims in America as well. To him, America either does religion crazy or not at all. While Arabic countries have found a middle ground that is beautiful and allows for tolerance and my view of it is too imperialistic and Western to really get it.

Needless to say, we fought a lot. Literally, the entirety of the World Cup game. We actually attracted a crowd with our arguing. I finally got him to concede a good chuck of his points, so I feel I won the debate. It felt amazing though to be able to spar with someone on the topic though and really have it last.

My arguments around Catholicism have not been as refreshing. A lot of the time, people just tell me blanket statements about the Pope and the Saints and Confession: the stereotypical portrayal of Catholicism as a robotic polytheistic religion, completely devout to the Pope, and able to forgive sins on a whim. My American Catholic Studies seminars have served me well; I add my two cents to the conversation in the hopes of trying to convey half of the beauty and reason of the Catholic tradition I have been told about at Fordham. Religion is beautiful to its believers, and there is no reason to think it impossible that the beauty you see does not exist in another tradition to someone else. It is nice opening up hearts and minds to Catholicism… says the Jew.




The terrain isn’t the only thing that gets high and low here…
I am sick and tired of mountains. Everything here is on a mountain. I literally walk up hill both ways to school! At the same time, it serves as a lovely metaphor for how I have been feeling here, and in general about this trip: lots of ups and lots of downs.

I was nervous about this trip from the beginning. Many people may remember me being upset when I got the letter, because I didn’t think I would get it, so it threw my whole life into a bit of a spin. I would be traveling to a foreign country, where I didn’t speak the language, to study something I had little to no knowledge of, completely alone. I was scared. I was scared about the future already: the Rhodes, the Fulbright, Salice-Conley, TOP, grad school, Senior year, and of course (gulp) everything that would come after.

When I first got here, as many of my posts mention, I was very homesick. I was scared of everything blowing up at any moment (and the gun shots through the night never helped). But as I got more busy, I really enjoyed myself. Within two weeks of the trip, the entire experience was already worth it. The next three were just icing on a very substantial cake.

I had a lot of up’s and down’s though. Moments of homesickness, of frustration, and most of all confusion about myself. I tried not to let it get me down, but here is a place of extremes. All religion all the time. As I mentioned earlier in the post, about five pages ago, it really does get to you. It makes you think. While in Israel, I have asked myself constantly: Am I good enough? When it comes to religion (in the face of the men in funny hats). When it comes to scholarship (in the faces of many learned grad and doctoral students). When it comes to being a generally good human being (there is no shortage of good righteous people here that I should emulate).

A lot of my blog posts were written in the cold (yes, it does get cold here) lonely nights in my dark depressing room. So they don’t convey the joy I have felt here. I have loved my experience here, and furthermore, I feel good about the future now. I am excited for all the things that scared me before. This resolve waivers every now and then, but I feel like everything is going to work out. I realized that I was excited on the beach in Tel Aviv, an odd place for a revelation I know, but it came out naturally from discussing everything I have thought here with other people who have had similar experiences of homesickness and internal reflection. The future looks good, and I am ready to tackle it. I have one year left, and I am going to make it count!

What else have I been doing and thinking in the past two weeks?
Oh yeah. I have been taking Biblical Hebrew here (in case you didn’t know). Six hours a day Sunday through Thursday. Biblical Hebrew is hard. I would say it in Biblical Hebrew, but I don’t know how to. That’s how hard it is. I can read Genesis 37 though with the help of a dictionary. That is an accomplishment, considering three weeks ago I couldn’t read a sentence. It is kicking my butt, but luckily, everyone’s rear end is equally sore. I have my final in two days (I started this post about four days ago, in a lull of being busy, so while you read this, much time has passed) and I feel like it will go well.

I have made an interesting scholarly discovery while studying Biblical Hebrew: I now know where the Jewish mother voice comes from. It is translated literally from Biblical Hebrew. Passages usually read (in a voice reminiscent of the Nanny) like this:

And so he went, Joseph, to his Brothers, they were in the land of Gilead, and when they saw him in his tunic, the tunic of many colors from their father, Jacob. They threatened, the Brothers of Joseph, to kill him. And then, Reuben, the smallest of the brothers (but such a nice boy), he said “Don’t kill him! We should throw him in the well and sell him!” Because Reuben, he loved his brother, Joseph, and he really did it to save his mishpoocha (‘family’ in Yiddish and apparently Biblical Hebrew).

Oh yeah. The World Cup. I watched the World Cup in the most international city in the World (New York City isn’t a pilgrimage site, Sorry NYC, I still love you). I can’t explain how cool that was. Everyone was into. Everyone was yelling. Everyone place was backed. Even the ultra-orthodox Jews, coming back from the Western Wall for night prayer, peaked in and watched! It was so amazing. The connection everyone had. The shared interest!

On a much sadder note though, my prayers are with the victims of the Ugandan bombing. While I was in a crowded café in Jerusalem watching the World Cup, so were they. Same situation. Same potential for a terrorist attack. The thought is chilling. Please pray for them.

On a less sad, but still upsetting note. While I have been here, I have seen one riot, two cars on fire, been in one car accident, and heard/seen countless gun shots in the region surrounding Mount Scopus. It has been … quite interesting.*

*-My mother is now getting on a plane after reading that. I love you Mom, but I will be home in 3 days and 14 hours.

Aside from Biblical Hebrew, Religious debate, and over 1000 pictures of different touring sites, I have acquired a knowledge of hummus unnecessary in every day life. I am the Bubba Gump of Hummus. I am so tired of hummus though. Hummus, and Falafel, and Schwarma, and Bourekas, and Pastrami will not be eaten for about two months upon my return.



Closing
I wrote some of this, while I was doing my laundry. Upon finishing the section I wrote on Tuesday night, I realized that I had been sitting with my legs wide open in a pair of pants that had a large hole in the center. There goes my attempt at modesty… I lead a Holey life here.

I will report back soon!

Reporting back sooner then expected:
I had an intense Friday worth nothing. I woke up at 2AM on Friday, hiked up Masada, toured Masada, hiked down Masada, explored a Museum about Masada, fell down a cliff, went into the Dead Sea with an open wound, went food shopping, did Kabbalat Shabbat at the Western Wall, set up, ate, and took down an entire Chabad dinner, and went to bed at 2AM on Saturday. It was amazing (both the trip and that I did it all without passing out).

I had some interesting thoughts at the Western Wall worth noting. So I don’t know what I am: Reform, Reconstructionist, a Catholic who likes wearing a yarmulke and Yiddish. While I was at the Western Wall though, I saw all types of Jews. Young and old, Hasidic and Modern, quiet and loud. I sang and danced and prayed with all of them. It was an amazing experience. I use that word a lot, but I mean it. I am amazed. I have no words. I am awe-struck. One man I saw was screaming and crying under a tallis (prayer shawl) as he prayed.

I sat, watching them, thinking about what came next for me. Is eating Kosher it? Is it Shabbat? Is it tzit-tzit? I think maybe keeping Shabbas in some way would be good as well as Kosher: whether it be services, or Friday night dinner, or abstaining from secular work.

I struggle with the question of why in both cases. Why do them? Because God said so is the answer you usually get. What if I don’t do them? That is my hang up. I fear divine punishment. Then again, everyone mitzvah is supposed to give God a feeling of ecstasy because the world is so far from God. I am commanded to do things with all my heart and soul and being? Why not do a little more of each with commitment, instead of all of them just so that people will stop judging and I don’t feel as bad? I can and will work my way up to more. How much of each practice I will do I will work out later, but I can definitely do a little of each for now.

Now keeping kind of kosher, wearing a yarmulke, and keeping the Sabbath kind of shifts me a little bit as far as labels go. I don’t like labels in the first place, but they are something I have to deal with, so I should come to terms with them on some level. I don’t like being called Reform, because it connotates that I don’t really take my Judaism seriously, and I am doing it as more of a community thing (Keeping up with the Rosenbaum’s). That is not the case, because I take it very seriously; the yarmulke is not just for show. I don’t like being called a Reconstructionist Jew, because that connotates that I want to completely strip my Jewish identity away. I don’t want to do that; I love my Jewish identity! I love the traditions! I am clearly not Orthodox, and I don’t know enough nor do I do enough to be considered conservative. I do ascribe to a lot of Chabad-Lubavitch thought though. I got it! Do you know what kind of Jew this makes me?

I am a Confused Jew.

I will blog my last couple of days when I get back!

Two weeks done, three to go, 100 things left to do...

I saw the sun rise and set on the same beach in Tel Aviv, and that alone made this trip worth it. I walked down the Mount of Olives all the way to the Garden of Gethsemane, and that alone made this trip worth it. The feeling I had of utter pride (which is a foreign emotion for those who know me) of being able to translate Genesis 1 with the little I have learned and a little help from a dictionary, alone made this trip worth it. The Western Wall: every time I have been there, which is about twice a week now, has made this trip worth it. I know I complain a lot about this trip, but it has been amazing and it is almost half way done. I have seen a lot, but I made a list, and I still have so so SO much more to see. I don't even know if I will be able to! While I figure that out, here are some things I have learned and thought between my last big post and this one:

-I average about a season of the West Wing a week trying to fall asleep. My mind is usually buzzing from what I learned and saw that day, so it helps to clear my head and get me the much needed sleep I crave (I pull 18-20 hour days!). It also helps in drowning out my Israeli suite-mate who plays Halo with his buddies online and then watches war movies at full volume from about 1AM - 4AM. I have done nothing, but it has meant nothing. The Madrichiot (Israeli RA's but not as good) have done nothing about it as well. Thus, Josiah Bartlett talks me to sleep.

-Meats, cheeses, and liquids are more expensive here which I was not expecting. It is very surprising how many sheckles you spend on food that is normally cheap back home. You go for the burger one day and end up eating falafel for the next two weeks. On the bright side, everything here is sooo delicious and sooo fresh.

-Bread and its related products are not expensive, which is a good, because the heat makes them go bad very quickly here. RIP Pita Bread 5 Days. RIP Rye Bread Week and a Half. I hardly ate ye. My nice Israeli roommate (the Jedi master from the first post) has advised me on proper eating habits in Israel.

-Family is very big here. Everyone has tons of kids. They all lovingly embrace constantly. I am going to blame my homesickness on this and not the fact that I am a big baby. You don't appreciate something until they are 14 hours and an ocean away. I miss my friends and family back home. They are the reason I am always so confident and successful I think; I feel like they always are behind me. People here in the program are nice, but they aren't "Fordham Friendly."

-Drinking 3L of water a day makes you a nuisance in a six hour class.

-Everyone here loves to set people up, regardless of what religion, race, and color you are. Rabbis will find Christian boys nice Jewish girls. Muslim men will call out to a pretty girl on the street about marrying one of their handsome sons. ("He is doctor! Very smart! Very good looking! Please pretty lady! You are breaking my hearts!"). Match-making apparently transcends religious barriers in Jerusalem.

-Despite this, physical contact here is nearly non-existent. One of the people in my Biblical Hebrew Class is a Messianc Rabbi/Pastor from the South. He and I bonded over are unique forms of Judaism (I in between Reform and Conservative, him in between Christianity and Judaism). He is the second friendliest person I have met here. [The first is Shaban the shop keeper in the Old City, who literally invited me into his house for tea just to talk. He then gave me his card, his cousin's card in case I visit Bethlehem, and his home phone number in case I ever needed him. All this without buying anything!]. But anyway, back to the Messianic Rabbi: He is big on hugs. He hugs anyone who will take it, which normally would be weird, but here it is kind of refreshing. I am so out of it when it comes to physical contact that during lunch one day, he came up behind me and bear-hugged me. I jumped three feet off the ground! It had been about a week and a half since anyone had that much physical contact with me! I was caught completely off guard! A similar thing happened when I bumped into my Rabbi from home at the Western Wall. I spotted Rabbi Sarna at the Wall with his family and said "Hi!," but rather then a handshake (the farthest contact will go here usually) he gave me a big hug! My body suddenly stiffened and my friend claims I made a very awkward face. It might be true! The truth is I am not used to it here! I am so starved for hugs and pats on the back that I literally snuggled the pillow case off of my pillow last night. It is quite the culture shock to go from New York (very physical) to the Old City/East Jerusalem (very very conservative).

-Jesus didn't have to walk on slippery buffed cobble stones in his sandals through Jerusalem, but I do, which makes constantly falling permissible in my opinion.

-Areas are either very religious or anti-religious it seems, with the people who inhabit them following suit. If you are in a religious area, they expect you to be religious and (WARNING: consist theme appearing) will judge you silently and not so silently about it. If you are in a non-religious area, the people seem to go out of their way to be anti-religious. They too will judge you silently and not so silently for your tzit-tzit. I first encountered this on the plane when the EL-AL showed a good Jewish kids show on one channel and Sex and the City with full-on nudity the next. Why is there no middle ground here?

-Beards are itchy. I have not shaved in two weeks to see what I will look like by the end of it. Pictures to come of the two week beard.

-I prayed at the Western Wall tonight. I did it legitimately for once. We got a minyan together. I had a siddur. I prayed in Hebrew. ... Well I tried to pray in Hebrew. I just couldn't keep up. I couldn't read and feel it at the same time. Am I missing something? Should I just be reciting as fast as possible? Isn't that exactly not what the praying is about? I always get insecure like this when I pray and read the Siddur because I can't keep up. The Bible inspires me (both Testaments) but the stipulations and mandates and Halakcha confound me. They get me depressed, because I don't think I can be that kind of Jew. I can be the righteous person, but according to all this: God wants more from me. I could give and give, totally lose myself in it all to give, and never even come close enough to a fraction of what I owe.

Conversations with the Orthodox Rabbi in My Head:*

The Rabbi: Why not put on tefillin? It's five minutes in the morning! How hard could it be? God asked for you to do something so simple and yet you don't. Why? Cause it's more work? Just do a little more. It's a good thing. You honor God and your fellow man with tefillin.

Why not wear the tzit-tzit? They are only strings. God asked for you to do something so simple and yet you don't. Why? Cause it's more work? Cause it looks silly? You wear the yarmulke! That looks silly!

Myself (throwing up hands in frustration): I don't know anymore! Why do I wear the yarmulke? I started because I really felt God's presence with me. I really felt connected to Judaism. Now it is barely there. Is this the dark night of spirit, that St. John of the Cross talks about? The feeling of desolation from St. Ignatius? Maybe I should stop wearing the yarmulke! Plenty of people here have told me to; reform and orthodox rabbis both tell me I shouldn't wear it because it confuses people and gives people false expectations of me. I mean: Yarmulke == Orthodox. Ryan =/= Orthodox. Thus, Yarmulke =/= Ryan. Should I just give in and stop playing religious, as it seems I am? I don't know. I wear it when I am out as a sign to myself and others of my connection to Judaism and God, and then take it off when I am at home because my house/dorm/apartment has a mezuzah, another sign of the connection. I don't know why I do what I do anymore.

[Suddenly, a third Rabbi appears holding a bottle of vodka. He is from the Chabad in my head.]

Chabad Rabbi: Keep doing it! Screw 'em all who tell you that you are not good enough. Each action done spiritually for yourself or physically for others brings just a little bit of the light of God into this world. God wants you to do more, but that doesn't mean that God doesn't look at everything you have already done. Keep on the path. Study Torah. Be a good person. Do a little more every way that you can. The goyim are in this world for a reason. The Litvich are in this world for a reason. Surely you too are here for a particular reason. Now drink this! L'chaim!

...yeah.

The first two chunks were in my head. The last (including the drinking part) was a conversation I had with a Chabad Rabbi at a discussion class on Kabbalah. I forgot how much I love the Chabad way of thinking. That connection I talked about, its very Chabad-ish. The 'chesed' or ever-loving kindness of God that gives them their name. That feeling of more. That ecstasy of loving God that inspires their philosophy. I had forgotten how much and partly why I love Judaism until that Chabad class.

Well it is late and I have class in 8 or so hours, so I should head to bed.

I am going into the Old City again for some touring on Thursday, and then a hike through the springs on Friday morning. Shabbat here (maybe with the Chabadnicks, or at the Western Wall) and then hopefully the Bethlehem, Qumran, and Jerocho on Saturday. More on that later. Many good pictures to follow. Speaking of which, I ran out of room on my flickr account, but here is the link anyway:

I apologize for the grammar in this. Also, for it being a bit confusing. My head is spinning from all the personal God talk I did today (with myself and others). I may have missed some logical steps in explaining it here.

Go in peace and may the force be with you!

*-I actually do this kind of stuff in my head. One train of thought ended up becoming a short story on Abraham for my Masters Creative Writing Class. Comment if you would like me to post it here.

Brief Update

I have been busy with class and Tel Aviv for the weekend. Many stories, but none befitting this blog. Just thought I would update that I am okay, sunburnt, and tired.

Tel Aviv is beautiful by the way and deserves the title, "The City that Never Sleeps," more then New York. Go there.

Americans Do It Better... Religion

When we last left our hero, he was venturing into the Holy City to watch the Americans lose at a sport they usually don't care about...

(cut to Jerusalem flag with spinning background zooming in and then out)

I went into a pub with some Americans (as well as one Swede and one Englishman) to watch the USA v. Ghana game. It was quite the international experience! Americans, Russians, Israelis, and the Dutch could all be found at the pub: drinking an international assortment of beer, watching the match (though most people were rooting for Ghana, the pride of Africa, and against the Americans who "win too much already"), and eating Israeli chicken wings (that were mild at best by American standards). I got to speak to a lovely Dutch reporter about religion, theater, and stereotypes abroad (apparently the Dutch have as bad a reputation as Americans abroad for being loud and disrespectful). After the bitter defeat, we walked around Modern Jerusalem until about 1AM checking out the sites, sounds, and tastes. It was the most non-tourist-related fun I have had here so far!

The next day I had another Biblical Hebrew class for six hours... which I also loved! The pace is incredibly fast, but its so enjoyable. I also enjoyed today's class (despite some obstacles you will hear about later). I feel like Neo from that scene in the Matrix:

(twitches in class, opens eyes, looks right at Professor)

Ryan: "I know Hee-Brew"

Professor (who looks nothing like Morpheus sadly): "Show me..."

(cut to epic Kung fu fight on the temple mount to make this joke funny and understandable)


...It's been a long day...

Anyway, after class we headed to just outside of the Old City to an archaeological site, The City of David ruins, which included an awesome attraction called "Hezekiah's Tunnel." Hezekiah, the King of Israel, had this tunnel dug in the 8th Century BCE to provide Jerusalem with water during the Assyrian invasion. Its around 550 meters long and deep under the mountain supporting Jerusalem. It's pitch black and the water is up to your waist. I felt like Indiana Jones, it was such an interesting experience. The darkness in that tunnel is so thick you cannot see in front of you without a powerful light (which they will sell to you for five sheckles). Like most things here, you have to experience it to really get what its like.

Another interesting discussion/thought came up while we walked back up the mountain after the tunnel. A traveling companion of mine continued to ask me the difference between the ultra-orthdox (Haredim is the proper term for them), chasidic orthodox, regular orthodox, modern orthodox, conservative orthodox (or conservadox as we call them in the states at times), conservative, reform, reconstructionist, and people who are Jewish but don't practice yet live in Israel. I realized: Americans love to classify religion.

It is a weird habit I have noticed back home, but not here. People say they are Christian and I have the sudden urge to ask "What kind?" and then realize it is rather rude and invasive. Here there are not 9+ types of Judaism; the rhetoric suggests that there is just practicing Orthodox, not practicing Orthodox, and Haredim who are only designated as such so you don't accidentally offend them by being immodest. This brings me back to my question: How, What, and Why is religion so different here? Specifically, Judaism.

Here are some preliminary thoughts:
Americans do Judaism very differently. There are different flavors, intensities, and regional shifts, but we are all working towards a similar goal of being Jewish in a non-Jewish world. Americans do Judaism as best as they personally can. Someone like me may not do it as much as someone who had the up-bringing, background, familial support, and community, but they still do it and that is okay. Even more Orthodox sects see this as good as it shows the beginnings of a journey towards more stringent Judaism that will follow (which is why we have so many Hillels and Chabads). Some see this as a cop-out, here and at home, but it is a generally acceptable view. The positive thing tied to this cop-out is that American are more accepting of different faiths and varieties of faiths. We understand and empathize mostly (many fringe sects do not, but that's why they are fringe sects) with other peoples in a similar struggle for identity and righteousness.

This is much less prevalent here in Jerusalem (as I have experienced), and its absence saddens me. Here, people are Orthodox or not Orthodox because there is no reason not to be. The restaurants are mostly kosher (aside from the delicious 9 sheckle falafel place down the street) and everything closes on Shabbas. If you want to learn how to be Jewish, the world literally stops here to do it for you and there are a hundred happy open hands who want to mold you into their interpretation of kashrut living. If you don't, well, good luck. If you are a man, be prepared for glances and glares for not leading the right kind of life. If you are a woman, be prepared for much worse. There is more judgment then acceptance here, and such a condition, though good for my Judaism, I would not want back in New York. I would not trade American (or at least New York) tolerance for every restaurant in the city becoming Kosher! Plus, wouldn't that ruin all the good pizza places?

I feel as though Americans want to go out and find God using their own paths, making religion our own modern Western frontier. It is our destiny to quest high and low for God as Americans.

Of course... these are only my thoughts and opinions. Not fact (necessarily).

So after some studying for class and some homesickness at night, I went to bed and woke up for class. Woke up for class being a relative term meaning an HOUR AND A HALF LATE. On the third day! Meh. I jumped through the freezing shower (which requires five minutes I didn't have to heat up), grabbed a yogurt and headed out. I even grabbed a cab to cut the 15 minute walk up hill in half, but the Israeli driver's English was poor and he began to drive me to Jerusalem instead of Hebrew University of Jerusalem... Yeah. That was a waste of 10 sheckles ($2.60). I made it to class in time for the first break so I could explain myself to the professor and catch up on what I missed. Class was great. I really love learning languages, especially this because it is so different from English or French. After class I studied (making many MANY flash cards with words and word forms on them) and came back to campus, to find every one leaving on a trip. The place was deserted for a good couple of hours which got me lonely, which got me homesick. Again. I am getting so tired of being sad and mopey. It did give me to clean, relax, study more, and discover I need to go to the store because (tragedy, like comedy, comes in threes) my bread went bad. I salvaged what I could and stuck to my deli meat and hummus. I have been studying, relaxing, being homesick, reading, and trying to keep busy since.

One such activity was uploading pictures so here are pictures from the Western Wall (which I wasn't allowed to really take pictures of), the City of David, Hezekiah's Tunnel, and whatever else has been going on lately:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/americanjewinjerusalem/show/

Christianese

I am happy to report I am not the only spiritual traveler in Jerusalem (duh, but its nice to find someone who jumps around to religious institutions differing from their own)!

I had a lovely conversation with a girl who is studying here for two years (thus putting my homesickness to shame) with a lot of the same thoughts and feelings about the goings on. She went to a Christian college but studied at Jewish institutions having a similar experience as me at Catholic and Christian institutions. She is now studying for her Masters in Semitics (Hebrew, Arabic, Aramaic, etc.) and applied to many of the same schools I will be applying to in the Fall.

Despite not being accepted to any of them but this one, her outlook was optimistic and infectious. She really brightened my day with her story.

I am about to travel into Modern Jerusalem to watch the USA v. Ghana match at a pub for my first night of legal adventuring (also my first night doing so in Jerusalem) with a group of international students. Wish me luck!